mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
