Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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