Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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