You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
