Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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