Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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