I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
