my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
