If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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