whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
