What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
