She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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