i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
