you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
