Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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