i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
