i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
