Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my shit smells like andre
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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