I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
