PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
