Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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