Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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