PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
