I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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