i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
