hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
