i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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