I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
