I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
