i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
