i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it glows. i had to have it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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