so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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