I am spending my child support on dildos
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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