ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
