I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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