At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
