Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
