did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
