Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
