I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
