____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Alive.
So much puke
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
