Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
