Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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