I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
