i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
