you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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