The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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