my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
