my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
