she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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