we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
