i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
