Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
