I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
