I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
